“Just When You Think You Have It Figured Out….It Gets Emotional”

So, here you are! You’re ready for this! You’ve had your child coached. The audition book is ready and it is a masterpiece that shows what an awesome performer your child is. The head shots are GORGEOUS! Those eyes just pop! Your child is just the right size for 80% of the roles out there, and you were lucky enough to sign with an agent, or manager, that totally gets you, AND your child already has his/her first audition appointment next week. You’ve got that resume with some great community credits and training stapled back to back with that gorgeous head shot neatly trimmed and you’re ready to go! A quick reminder to your child about what to expect when you arrive at the audition in the big city and you even remembered to pack headphones to tune out all the drama while you wait. You’ve done your homework and this is going to be a piece of cake! Well….yes, you’re as ready as you can be for sure, and that is so important because now you’ll be able to weather the parts of this process you can’t control and all of the emotions that it brings.
I don’t know about you, but there is not one part of what Zack does that I could do now, at the age of nearly 48, that he has been doing professionally since the age of 9. Taking pictures is painful! Singing in front of people?? Not going to happen! You’re welcome. He has to show up to this place and be prepared to sing, dance, speak, and smile, essentially selling himself as the character they are looking for, while waiting together with dozens of other children all there for the same reason, and remain calm. Seriously! This is not what your average tween does in daily life.
As the parent you have to be ready to support your child emotionally through this minefield that is full of politics and subjectivity. You have to be able to put your own emotions aside and be prepared to offer support and guidance during both the best and worst situations. If your child really wants to live his/her dream you have to be strong for him/her. They are only kids and with all their talent they have not experienced enough of life or matured to a point to be able to handle what’s about to come at them in a healthy, positive, professional way without your support. Are you ready mom, dad, grandma, grandpa? I thought the logistics of getting started was the hard part. It was certainly the part that frightened me as we began this journey, the “being the mom” part I felt ready for. I had no idea how sheltered my world was and have left many audition experiences with multiple holes in my tongue.
As you start auditioning regularly you are going to discover how small the professional theater world is, particularly for kids. You will see the same children and parents over and over again. You and your child will begin to think of many of them as your friends and will even begin to look forward to seeing them at these auditions. It truly does have a lovely sense of community and in general the kids are a great support to one another. After having been involved in this process for the last 2 years and having attended upwards of 30-40 auditions I can say there are always a few in attendance who are strategizing from the moment they walk in the door. Fortunately, they are not the majority, but they are the ones who can undermine your child’s confidence if he/she is not prepared for what these people bring. The parents will talk loudly with their child’s representative on their phones in the middle of the room or hall, discussing how they can’t possibly take another job since their exceptional DD (darling daughter) or DS (darling son) has been booked solid for weeks. Some of the equity kids will enter the room wearing wearing their show jackets despite the fact that it is 80 degrees outside, and will pull their audition material from a bag that has been emblazoned with all of the shows they have participated in. The “psych your competition out” game has begun. It will move forward, after the initial entry, to some prep rituals that will include stretching to the point that the child has become a human pretzel right before our eyes, doing loud vocal warmups demonstrating incredible range, making our children feel significantly under qualified to be there, or standing in the mirror right next to where you and your child are seated and repeatedly brushing and rebraiding hair in various styles to find just the right one.
This may sound like I’m being judgmental, and if I’m being honest with myself, perhaps I am a little. I am an introvert; none of these are things I would do or encourage Zack to do, and maybe there’s a small piece of me that is jealous of the boldness in nature and overall self confidence demonstrated. Ultimately this is a job interview and in my world, what I like to consider “real” life, this is not the way one conducts himself/herself at a job interview. As Zack’s mom I believe part of my job is to teach him how to get along in the real world. I encourage Zack to be present, to be friendly, to connect with the kids, but to do so in an understated way that is respectful of the feelings of everyone attending the audition. He will not wear his tour jacket, nor will he carry his tour bag. He will let his resume and material speak for him in the room. Out of the room he’s just a kid who shares the same passion as the other kids. Yes, he has been fortunate to work professionally, but this is a new ballgame and he is on equal ground with all of them as they meet a new creative team. He will often recognize kids from previous auditions and sometimes from seeing them perform in previous shows. He loves to see familiar faces and I encourage him to cheer them on, wishing them luck or congratulating them on recent accomplishments. He is a kid and at times I do hear “oh no, he’s here too, now I’m doomed”. I have to remind him that this is a new process and he wouldn’t be there if he didn’t have a chance of booking the part, and his focus should be on making a good impression in the room. If he has a need to warm up we find a quiet corner out of the main room or ,if available, will rent a warm up room for 15 minutes. I encourage him to sit quietly with his head phones on and mentally prepare himself for his own audition while tuning out any drama.
Inevitably there are times when self doubt will creep in. They are children, they need reminders of the talent that they bring to the table, and that their job, especially in a first call, is to be seen and make a good impression. Half the battle is having a chance to get in front of the casting directors so that they may be thought of when the casting directors are working on future projects. Remind them that nothing ventured is nothing gained and even if they don’t get the part or have an opportunity to move forward in the process, they have done their job just by showing up. Take the giant pressure of the end goal of booking the job away from them and then have them aim for something much more attainable like making a good impression. They will gladly switch their focus if you remind them to do so.
This should never be so hard or stressful that there are tears or physical symptoms like vomiting or feeling faint. If there’s that much pressure, then try to refocus on the fact that this is not a life or death situation, give them some perspective by asking what’s the worst thing that could happen, make sure they really still want to audition, and if emotions can’t be controlled, then excuse yourself from the process. There is nothing more important than your child’s health and happiness, and that can be very hard to remember , even for an adult, in these circumstances.
Zack has experienced very friendly audition rooms with smiling faces and warm greetings at the door leading into a bright and attentive room. He has also faced situations where the door opens and a person who looks less than happy to be alive calls his name, and without making eye contact, shuffles him into a silent room full of people staring at their papers barely acknowledging his arrival. How off -putting would that be if you were interviewing for a job? I certainly have experienced both of these scenarios in my professional life, but I have the tools and the maturity to handle both.
Prepare your child. You will get a feel for the room just by observing the greeting that the children ahead of you receive. I will say to Zack “can you imagine how tiresome it must be to see the same material over and over again? That poor person looks like he/she could use a smile. Give him/her a very nice smile on the way in and cheer him/her up”. Unfortunately all you can do is encourage them and remind them of their goals. Once they are in the room they are on their own.
One time Zack came out of a room after an audition and my husband, who was with him for this particular audition, could sense something was wrong. It hadn’t started very well to begin with as Zack was more nervous than usual, due to the fact that they were recording some of the auditions for a news segment which meant that he was wearing a microphone. Then, if you can imagine, he had been brought around the corner to enter the room and some moms sitting on the other side decided his outfit would look better if his shirt was tucked in. Zack has a very definite sense of style and comfort but has been taught to be respectful so when the women started tucking his shirt in for him, yes strangers were tucking my sons shirt in his pants, he didn’t stop them. My husband heard what was going on and intervened returning Zack to “his” way and did not return to his own seat until Zack was safely in the room. Apparently when he entered the room the director immediately stated “you don’t look like a (insert name of character being auditioned for here)”. Here he is , 10 years old, entering a room of strangers ready to put himself out there, and he doesn’t even get a hello what’s your name before hearing that he doesn’t look at all like the boy he is auditioning to portray. Needless to say he was quite upset about the audition but managed to leave the area before demonstrating any real emotions. As a parent there is nothing you can do in this situation. It’s a teaching moment. I can tell you that I would be hard pressed to allow Zack to audition for that director again.
There are times that cuts are made right in the room. They might not be called “cuts” but described as “the creatives have seen all they need to see for today” but the kids sense the meaning. As parents we need to prepare them for the good and bad of this scenario. If they are told they can go they need to gather their things, thank the people running the audition, and leave professionally. No doubt they are disappointed, but they need to save their emotions for after they have professionally exited the audition area. The same goes for the kids who are selected to stay. They need to be told not to openly celebrate and to respect the feelings of the kids who are leaving. This is usually not a problem , particularly if they’ve spent any amount of time together, they feel their pain and say their goodbyes. After the other kids have left, then they can be excited about moving forward.
My personal favorite is when we travel anywhere from 5 1/2-7 hours to get to the city for a “final callback” and we find ourselves sitting outside the room with just one other parent and child pair. Both times this has happened the other child has auditioned first while Zack and I wait with the other child’s parent in the hallway. Each time, after the other child has completed his audition and come back to the hallway with his parent, the director has come out to greet the parent saying how nice it will be to work with his/her son again, how’s the family doing, does he/she have any questions about how the work will be done, exchanging big hugs and air kisses, all while we are sitting right there watching and waiting for Zack’s opportunity to audition. How do I, as the parent, put a positive spin on this one? The second time this happened Zack whispered to me “oh brother, here we go again!”. I said to him “well I guess all you can do is go show them what they are missing out on!”. Of course he wasn’t cast for either of these parts but the second time his positive performance earned him a referral to another coveted job on another project that he ended up being hired for without an audition. A positive, professional attitude and making a good first impression will eventually be recognized and rewarded.
The bottom line is that you can only be as prepared as you possibly can be. You don’t have a crystal ball to predict every factor that goes into a casting decision. The director may have a dislike of a boy in a pink shirt, they suddenly decide he/she is actually looking for someone who looks much younger, but he/she didn’t realize that until later in the process, or a twist of fate lands an unexpectedly available well known talent in the projects lap moving your child to second choice. It’s a business. It’s unpredictable, it’s disappointing, but it isn’t life or death. The process can offer opportunities for you to use your child’s dream to teach early some of life’s most important lessons i.e./ nothing ventured nothing gained, you will learn something from every experience, kill them with kindness, and persistence pays off. A friend recently shared this with me:
If you fail, never give up, because F-A-I-L means “first attempt in learning”. End is not the end. In fact, E-N-D means “effort never dies”. If you get no as an answer, remember N-O means “next opportunity”. Be positive!
We are a Christian family so we refer to Jesus as the higher power in our universe. You can insert whatever your family believes in, everyone has someone/something. We tell Zack “Jesus is driving the bus”. You have to believe that if you stay true to your values, be kind to people, try your hardest, and keep the faith, you will end up where you’re supposed to be at the time you’re supposed to be there. It’s all part of the plan. This can be the hardest thing to do even for a grownup: promote integrity, kindness, persistence, and faith. Your mission as the parent of a child entertainer is use these tools to grow a happy, functioning, adult who has been able to live his/her dream when he/she comes out on the adult side. This makes resumes and head shots look like child’s, play doesn’t it?